Alphabet of Life-ing: God

Link to project page if you haven’t read it from the beginning:

https://rescloset22.wordpress.com/category/the-alphabet-of-life-ing-project/
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God and I have a very strained relationship at times and, to be honest, that’s my fault. God is the type of entity that has arms spread wide open always to anyone, no discrimination. He wants everything that I hold. The thing is I like holding on to the bad things sometimes. They’re mine and they comfort me. It’s when I’m truly alone that they become a burden and they eat away at whatever light is left. God wants it, he wants all these bad things because he can take them on better than I can.

The thing about Him is he doesn’t ask sometimes. Either that, or he’ll wait for a blind spot. A moment where I’m in great need and I open myself up exposing every ugly shattered thing. He takes surgical pliers and pulls and untwists them. He doesn’t keep them, but throws the mangled pieces away or crushes them between his index finger and thumb. He tells me to be patient because there’s work to be done and I cry out in pain. Although he’s taking the jagged and filthy portions away, it hurts because of how long it’s been attached to me. It’s fused in with all these important things and as he peels and pulls, my chest caves and I fight to breathe. Every nerve of my body is on fire and I cry like a newborn.

Being at church, hearing and giving praises. Listening to his words. . .readingĀ  them and watching them manifest. . .with every thing I soak in, with every moment I allow myself to receive him, I feel like this. An overwhelming wave of both pain and relief: the two most confusing emotions to feel at the same time. Although I don’t allow Him take everything in one sitting, I pray for the day I can.

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