My Life: If You’re Interested. . . .

I’m sure you’re wondering (if anyone’s wondering. . .) Why I haven’t posted for two days. That would be because I had a pretty rough week. Friday was just beautiful icing on the cake. . . .beautiful. . . .lol

Monday was moderate. I was stressing over my informative speech for my communications class. I had barely started and merely had the research I’d done for it. I was planning to talk about the battery because. . .I’m not very intelligent sometimes when choosing things. . .after nearly beating myself in the brain, Tuesday I nearly took it out both trying to organize myself and organize my speech and I had a terrible headache, hoping the week would get better. Wednesday, I went to go practice, but got locked out of the practice room and had to wait for three and a half hours for janitors to unlock the door and get my stuff out, leaving me no time to work on my speech and no time to do anything else. Thursday, I managed to get a decent amount of work done, and it seemed like things were getting better, but Friday rolled around and my speech, which failed miserably due to my failure to properly prepare, was pretty terrible. I think a guy even laughed at me once or twice while I was giving it, but I chalk that up to nerves making me think things. I felt embarrassed and upset for a good portion of Valentines Day, and spent the rest of the day making a few things for others that I felt deserved a good day and moping and wallowing in my child-like and very eyeliner polluted tears. . . I was a pretty big blubbering mess due to me feeling upset over this entire week, which if I look back now at about 12 AM to be exact, there were good things too. . .

I went to bible study on Monday and felt the most welcome and invited that I have in awhile. I love it when people are so accepting of me, not that I’m a terrible person, it’s just nice. Going made me realize that there are still a lot of things I’m still really really shy about. I have difficulty sharing my thoughts and sharing things with people. Praying with others out loud is hard for me too. I have this weird vulnerability about my thoughts and feelings. It was still a nice experience and I’m probably going to go back and be more verbal. . .hopefully. . .Wednesday, I felt like I had clarity on my speech and was actually able to make a clear cut outline. If I were able to say it as clear as I wrote it, I would’ve been guaranteed an ‘A’ on that speech. Thursday, I got to be around one of the coolest and most awesome guys on campus, my friend Michael who I rarely get to see. He’s so much fun to be around and reminds me of how much of a kid I really am. I also got to talk to my best friend and got an early Valentine’s Day gift from my Nanny (I got 5 dollars 😀 and a really nice card). Friday, despite my massive speech fail, I made brownies for my R.A, a girl who lives in the room next to mine who studies insanely hard, and a friend of my friend Michael who had a birthday on Thursday. I wasn’t expecting much else from Friday until the girl who studies a lot knocked on my door and thanked me a lot for what I did. I wasn’t really expecting it. I’ll admit, I wanted to know that it made her day, and what I wrote and what I’m made had made her happy, because that’s all I wanted. Her face is always so serious and focused and tense, I just wanted to see her smile at least once and when I talked to her she couldn’t stop smiling lol It made me happy that I could brighten someone else’s day even though mine went to shit in two seconds.

So, writing it all out, the good out weighed the bad, I think it’s just hard to get my mind away from the things that are bad and focus on the good things. That’s always been a pretty big struggle for me in general, but yeah. . .because I felt like my brain was about to explode, I forgot to post on Thursday, and was too upset to post Friday. . . .long explanation for something very short.

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