I just want to clarify something for anyone who’s reading this that knows me personally or just knows me from this blog alone: . . .I’m not that cool of a person . . .I can admit that. . .and it’s not a bad thing . . .I’m not putting myself down. . .I’m just not. . .cool. . .
My version of a really awesome time is being under a blanket and watching a movie or drawing for 7 hours straight. I hate parties. . .because all you can do is drink and that’s not fun to me because I hate alcohol and the way it makes you feel. I have the amusement level of a 5 year old child. When someone says pudding, I laugh. . .and I really don’t know why. I’m really awkward with people because I prefer to avoid human contact just because . . .I come off as awkward and weird in social settings involving a lot of people I don’t know. When I’m happy, my smile gets so embarrassingly huge that you can’t really see my eyes. I get excited over the smallest things and. . .I’m kind of a spaz. . . .I’m not cool. . .
I recently ran into a girl who I knew passively in my first semester biology class and she really wants to get together with me so we could start being friends and I can tell she’s one of those people that look at my clothes, and my instrument, and my person and thinks ‘she’s probably really cool!’ and I’m afraid of her to find out that I’m actually a very bland 19 year old who’s really only hyper and has a personality when I’m not around people unknown to me. . .it takes me awhile to get comfortable . . .really. . .it does. . .I feel like for a majority of my life, people have had this idea in their mind that I’m some really amazing person and when they meet me they seem to have this deflated reaction. . .which has lead me to believe that maybe I perpetuate a false sense of confidence or personality to others that I don’t realize. Many of my friends think I’m a great person, but they kind of slinked their way into my life in a more natural and gradual fashion, which I was comfortable with. I was never officially confronted by another person who suggested that we be friends, I’ve always made friends slowly, and through other people, so this is new for me. . . .
Hopefully, I don’t deflate her expectations. . . . . .hopefully. . .