I’ve been friends with this guy for awhile and I’ve introduced him to another friend of mine and he seems to really like her which is good. When I share my friends, though, I have a tendency to get kind of. . . .territorial. This time, I’m being okay with it and trying not to be so defiant and stubborn because this friend that I’ve introduced my newfound friend to, I feel like after this year we might be kind of distant. Now this is a friend that I share lots of things with and have gained a sense of confidence with, but for some reason my mentality has been to distance myself. I’ve been listening to my emotions for these last few weeks and he’s the one that told me to use my logic to solve my problems . . .what if my logic is telling me that I should create a gap between the two of us? It’s not that I feel it’s for the best, I’m just using my head for once and I feel like I’ve put a lot of importance on him that I’m not sure I should. He’s there and he wants to be, but I feel like being a ‘lone ranger’ isn’t too bad. I need to learn how to cope with not having someone to use as a crutch and not clinging to familiarity with both hands and running with it.
In terms of ‘sharing’, I’ve always kept my good friends or friends that I feel are closer to me secret from others. The reason why I would do this is because I had sharing issues. I lived in a house with five other kids for most of my life, I shared EVERYTHING. Those special friends I had were mine and no one else’s . . .at least that’s the mentality I used to have. Now I feel like maybe sharing is okay and maybe it’ll help me stop using my friend as an emotional crutch and actually moving forward slightly.
There are so many new things at my disposal. So many challenges and difficulties and new experiences that I may/may not jump in to. I just feel like I’m way too much of a dependent person and he, as well as another person even closer to me than him, has been there for me and baby stepped me through everything. This maturity thing, it’s kind of hard XD I’ll admit it’s a pain and I feel like I’ll always need a hug now and again, but I also kind of see the reality of being alone for awhile. I’m quiet, reserved, kept to myself. I’m even making an effort to be apart of activities and still feel so separate, not really apart of anything. I have so much school work and studying that I’m lucky I can even be in one activity and I’m enjoying the little things, while still dealing with work that’s getting harder.
Life isn’t getting any easier, but it is what is for now.
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NOTE: I will have more substantial things to post rather than things about myself XD this is a personal blog, but also a blog about other people, so hopefully I can make that happen later today when it’s not midnight . . .