So, my day today was . . . very not so good in so many ways imaginable. Now that I think about it, since I’ve been here, I haven’t had any good days. Each day held it’s own shittiness, which was just wonderful, I might add sarcastically. I reached a point today where I felt so calm and so peaceful, and it was the weirdest thing ever to experience, but I was completely calm and it was like the day didn’t even exist O.o I was in awe. . . Then again, as the day got worse I clearly sat down, looked up at the sky and said, ‘College: the place where I’m going to be ball and chained to a year long of more work and self loathing, as well as a very high and unrealistic level of perseverance. . . thank you, College Board.’ This is the third week mind you, the third week I haven’t even finished yet . . . It’s going not-so-well in a not-so-fun way. . . . I could say I have weekends to look forward to, but that would be somewhat of a lie. I admit, I had fun last Saturday, but I have the feeling the new friend I’ve met may stray away from me due to my. . . usual weirdness and inobservance to the world around me. I think she may stick around, hopefully 😦 but my weirdness may scare her away and . . .for some reason, that bothers me, but I haven’t been extremely happy since I got here except those few days I spent with her. If she decides to stay, it’ll be great 😀 if she decides to go, I’ll be miserable for 5 days out of the week rather than just 3. . . two extra days of sadness. . .
The 3 initial days would be where orchestra stands. Good news: I got into orchestra, BSSO, a group that’s kind of high up at the university that I’m currently going to. Bad news: my stand partner hates my guts, and I kind of hate my guts when I step out on the stage for rehearsal. . . . I like to think that because we both feel the same about my existence, that we have a mutual likeness between the two of us 😀 or I’m just being overly optimistic 😦 whether it be the latter, my parents have told me that I deserve to be there and I wouldn’t have been chosen if the director didn’t think so. Even if my stand partner wants to punch me in the face, at least I deserve to be there? . . . yeah, today, I’ve never packed my violin and bow so fast just to leave before someone else did. . . I don’t want to be afraid of her, but she’s a senior, a music major, a wonderful and lovely violinist. . . and she kind of wants to kick my ass for turning the pages too slow, even when I kind of try my best to turn it on time. If I make it out alive this year, it’s because someone sedated her before she could kill me. . . the girl just does not like me, mostly because I’m a spaz and can’t turn the damn pages on time. . .
Chemistry is doing a lovely job at reminding me why I hate it. . . I’ve taken two quizzes so far counting the one from today and I successfully failed both of them. . . if you were wondering, yes, I’m being sarcastic. Failing is not successful. . . .that makes no sense unless your main goal in life is to fail. . . .then failure becomes a success for you because it is your life’s goal. . . that’s not my life’s goal at all. . . If anything, I was rooting for straight up ‘B’s’ this semester. I feel like just earning a ‘C’ in chemistry alone will be an accomplishment in itself. . .
Then, I almost ruined a year long friendship I have with someone because of my silly girl emotions. . . then it sort of got fixed, but I’m still silly. . . and I’m . . .I’m still a girl O.O . . . If I think about the positives . . . the girl who wants to kill me only repremanded me once today, the quiz I took today was only the 2nd quiz out of 4 quizzes and 4 exams, my friend and I are sort of okay, I don’t hate myself, I didn’t die today, I have a college education still, I’m not yet eligible to get on the Dean’s list for something bad, I didn’t lose any toes, fingers, eyes, entire limbs, ankles, breasts, stomach(s), liver(s), kidneys, ears, tongue(s), nose(s) or any other body part that is sort of important, I can eat pizza tonight . . .maybe. . . I might choose something healthier considering I didn’t eat much today. . . yeah. . . I also wasn’t blisteringly hot today. . . .okay, so there’s those things. . .look at that. . .the day my week isn’t terrible is the day that I also get one of those things called a ‘boyfriend’ and we fly off into the sunset on a Pegasus. . . . . . that’s that ‘unrealistic perseverance’ if I just think about the boyfriend and the Pegasus I can complete this semester with . . .no. . .problem O.O