How Things Are

It’s taken me awhile to post anything because I’ve been adjusting and getting used to everything around me. Right now, I guess I’ll document my feelings at the moment which are the following: happy, sad, and. . .  materialistically secure.

HAPPY: Why?

-I’m happy because I’m moving on to something new. I’ve bought my books, done my necessary assignments and I’m kind of ready. Besides the need to seriously shit in my pants because I have this fear that I’m going to screw something up immensely, I’m happy at the fact that I made it this far.

SAD:  Why?

-I’m sad because I can’t be with my family anymore. I’m on my own now and I can’t watch over my siblings and see how my family is doing 24/7 like I would normally. I can’t worry necessarily about every little thing that’s going on with them because I have so much of my own going on. Another thing that made me upset currently is the result of a thing that I happened to run in with my friend that made  them not so happy (it was my fault that it happened because. . . as a person, I can be kind of bothersome. . .) I’m still not happy how that went, and I haven’t heard from them in nearly two days, but. . . maybe that’s good. I haven’t had the need to contact them merely because I feel that when you piss someone off you should give them space and not invade that space until they say ‘hey. . .I’m no longer pissed at you.’ I have a feeling we won’t be speaking for awhile, but, once again, maybe that’s not necessarily a bad thing and maybe I’m overreacting by having the assumption that they won’t want to speak to me for a prolonged amount of time, but. . . with this person, I feel like I struck a super bitter note and probably messed things up for myself in terms of friendship so. . . yeah. . . clearly this bothered me, and still is because the SAD paragraph is a bit more lengthy than the happy XD

MATERIALISTICALLY SECURE: Why?

I can’t tell you how amazing it is to be at school getting an awesome education with teachers and staff that are giving me so many resources and handing them to me that it’s nearly impossible to fail, but the best part of all of this is that . . . I have really basic things that I’ve never thought possible to be a stable portion of my life. When I was at home, there sometimes wasn’t electricity for a little (or more than that), there wasn’t food all the time (more frequently than expected), there wasn’t and still isn’t a working dryer and washing machine, there wasn’t constant access of cable, there wasn’t a large stock of soap, or tissue, or q-tips, or band-aids, or lotion, or toothpaste. Sometimes I would go awhile without a tooth brush. . .that sucked. Here, though, I have all the soap I need, I have a meal plan so I’ll never not have to go a night without wondering what or if there would be food, there are community showers, but the water most likely will NOT get shut off, I have q- tips, tooth paste AND FLOSS,  there’s also a WORKING washer and dryer and I don’t have to wait to use the shower because there are multiple showers you can use. I’m not saying that I lived in extreme poverty at home, but there were clearly MANY times too frequent to count that there wasn’t a lot of stability when it came to basic care items and needs. My parents work really hard, they do, and I love them for really working hard to get me somewhere where I don’t have to worry about all that. . . it’s utterly and completely fantastic and . . . I just LOVE having everything I need to physically take care of myself!!!

HOW’S THIS GOING TO WORK?

Well. . . I start classes tomorrow, but this blog is probably going to be on a weekend/three day out of the week basic. I will still have Bitch Mondays, I will do Weekend Wakers and topics that will last a few days that might be more college orientated than I would like, but *shrug* your environment changes you. I will make weekly playlists and come up with some more thought provoking things. It’ll probably also get a bit more personal because I’ll be using this as my main outlet to really vent/share my thoughts and ideas/put out my feelings. My time for fun or lounging will be limited, but I love blogging and I will try to make something of this whether I have a ton of viewers or not. This is kind of one of the coolest things I’ve ever done so, I’m going to put effort into this and enjoy while I do so. Whoever read this, thanks for being interested and thank you for being there. I appreciate it so very much.

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2 thoughts on “How Things Are

  1. so here is the great jump, i wish you good luck and happy times! about the mess with your friend, sometimes, it’s good to take the phone and say “hey sorry i did some shit with you, and i regret it”.

    1. You have a good point, sometimes it is just good to pick up the phone and clear the air. He just seemed really angry though, and maybe it’s more fear based as to why I haven’t talked to him after that.

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