Despite my stomach trying to destroy my existence this week, I will not be posting anything until August 14th, which is the day I have to leave for college :O I figured I’d have something exciting to say about that. For now, though, I need to start getting all my belongings together and get prepared for my first year. I’m both scared and . . . .scared. . .I’m excited to actually study and get homework, though XD which is weird, for once in my life I want homework to fill the void of other things. I know once I have it, I can kind of drown myself in it and not think about anything else. I really need something like that right now. The first thing I’ll probably do when I get on campus is look for a job but I feel like that’s the second most important thing right now. If I can just drench myself in work, I feel like my worries and anything else that’s bothering won’t have room to make an impact anymore. I’ll be completely submerged in my work and, at the moment, that’s all I want. Eventually, it’ll get hard and I’ll want to think of anything besides that, but that will only be for a short while. Honestly, I’ve broken to a point where I’d like to just start fresh like that. If college is a place to both start ‘a new’ and gain higher education, I can’t think of any other way to do that, but to suffocate in work and school. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so unhappy all the time if I had more things to focus on than just my family. I love my family, but things haven’t been fantastic and I’m at a point where I’m on my knees for one side and I’m looking at the other side as if I’ve never seen it before. I think maybe I either didn’t want to see that side or I just subconsciously ignored it. . . . .I want to dislike that side, but I can’t. Both sides have fault with each other and I can’t combat that. They both lack in certain areas, neither of them can compensate for what they truly seek in one another. I can’t hate either one, I love them too much to hate either of them. I think I’m just confused. I’m a child and I’m trying to understand something that’s not mine, but if it’s not mine, why do I feel like I’m such a large chunk of it? Like somehow I’ve been involved? I probably got way to personal with this, but only one person is reading, so I don’t feel completely self conscious.
Periods are a bitch in themselves and they know it. Sometimes they just appear out of nowhere and wave at you like ‘Hey, I’m here this month. Do something about.’ And sometimes it’s like ‘FEEL MY WRATH THROUGH GUT WRENCHING PAIN AND FATIGUE! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOUR PLANS ARE FOR THE DAY! YOUR MY BITCH!’ Unfortunately I’m experiencing the second one and yes, I do have plans today and I’m trying to figure out how to make the pain subside within the next hour and a half. Now, I’m one of those people who induce more pain by drinking coffee because I love making myself miserable . . .apparently. . . .and often I try to go for the typical remedies like running (exercise releases endorphins which causes the cramping to stop) eating bananas (potassium also releases endorphins) but often I still end up curled up into a ball somewhere in my room, moaning writhing in pain like a large dying aquatic creature. I could only wish that a period didn’t exist . . . . .
Another terrible ungodly part of the period is surprisingly the week before, which most know as PMS. Your hormones are continuously bouncing all over the place, so you could go from very irritated, to upset, to depressed and dejected, to extremely happy. Most of the time I’m just very depressed. Also, usually the week before, the hormones that are commonly released when you have a need for sex or the slang term ‘horny’ are at a point of imbalance and, yeah, it’s very likely for a percentage of women to feel this way the week before. Personally, I do, I just don’t readily act out on it, so I just can’t be too close to the opposite sex at certain times during the month XD my thought process in terms of that seems to dim as well. I can’t not think about sex during that week XD Maybe I’m just a weird female, I really don’t know. Along with that, often you’ll have acne or unsightly bumps on your face due to the hormonal imbalances. So on top of feeling like shit, you look like a pepperoni pizza . . . .
People (often men) don’t understand why a period is such a big deal. Well, in the words of Grace Helbig, women have blood coming out of a part of their body they cannot control. . . .you try dealing with that without losing your shit, okay? I’m not one to use my period as an excuse for a lot of my behavior, but if I cry or something, that’s probably when I’d blame it on my period XD But it’s true. If guys had to bleed from their penis, I’m sure they would be very out of sorts and trying to keep their shit together.
MMA again 😀
There’s a match coming on the FOX broadcasting network this weekend and I CAN ACTUALLY WATCH IT!!!! *O* So if you are looking for something to watch, just sit down and watch it. I don’t know who’s fighting (I never really do. . . .I’m a terrible fan lol) But it’s very entertaining and interesting to watch so I’d strongly adivise anyone with cable to watch it.
For those who have recommended matches for me to watch (bjarki) if you could maybe give me a place to watch them online that would be helpful 😀 I don’t always have cable and my PC’s not awesome either, but it can try 😀 or if you could find a few on Youtube and send me links, that would also be helpful because I’m on Youtube all the time watching movies and junk. Please, if you could, just send me links O.O . . . .I love links . . .lol
I have school anxiety again, which isn’t new. I always get the jitters of some sort before something big, but this is kind of different. I have everything and all the sruff that I need to do, I’m just still very edgy about everything ‘home-wise’. By ‘home-wise’ I mean a lot of the miscellaneous problems my family has been having that’s been circling around, of course, my parents relationship. Despite me going away, I will still be actively thinking about all of that . . . . .but most of my life will be composed of academics and sleeping so. . . .at least, there’s technically room for it
I’m currently sleeping over at a friends house today as I’m writing this and she’s making Belgium waffles 😀 and something else!. . . .the something else part, I’m not sure of, but the waffles are fine. The friend I’m with is in the top right of the frame. She’s my best friend 🙂
BTW the rose was a part of a bush her mom had gotten for her dad. They smelt AMAZING *O* I love flowers
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman’s voice screams “Put it back!” and when I insert a USB device, it says “Oh, you need to push it in harder!” I don’t know how to change it back. FML
This one was my favorite because only truly tech savvy people could do this! O.O and it’s so awesome. I’m sure it took a very short amount of time, but they still did it. . . And it was still very cool. . .and perverted.
I figured I should have a ‘thing’ or segment for Wednesdays, so I’m doing spontaneous post things . . . .enjoy?
I. . .Am . . .204 lbs as of today. . . .at the beginning of the summer . . .I was 212. . . .*high fives self* I FEEL KINDA AWESOME!!!!! X3 I lost eight poooooounds, I lost eight pooooooounds *does dance* I planned to lose more, which I still can, but it’s proven to be difficult. Granted I haven’t done a serious workout in about a week and a half, I’m surprised I actually lost some weight within that span of time without putting much effort in for a small amount of time. I was 206 a week and a half ago and NOW I’M 204 . . . .I feel like I accomplished something good for once . . . .I’m so jubilant at this very moment, I kind feel very awesome. . . .very awesome. . . . .This is probably one of those days I’m going to dress sort of pretty for once. . . . .That’s something different 🙂 lol
Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to “get the fuck out of the way.” When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he’d yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML